11/09/02 - A chariot awaits because I'd rather walk
I was skateboarding in front of the Milano theater in Shinjuku's redlight district Kabuki-cho, when a camera crew approached and asked if it'd be possible to film me. "There goes Hollywood." I said, looking around us at all the Japanese mobsters and touts as unpaid extras.
After being filmed, I left for Shinjuku's Kabuki-cho exit, boarded the Yamanote line at close to 1:00AM and was able to arrive in Shibuya before the last train.
Shortly after, I arrived at a event in Shibuya I was on the guestlist for, gave my name and went to locate people I knew. Inside the nightclub I was immediately seen and surrounded by people I had met. I was led to the bar where the Japanese girls all seemed eager to buy me drinks and I could tell that me being there meant a lot to everyone. "What besides the free
drinks, inexperienced girls, and second have smoke, was I here for?" I asked a English-speaking friend.
I walked over to the closed door of the venue's staff and VIP room where my backpack had been stowed. Inside the room, I found my backpack, and started to dig through it for my video camera. As I dug through t-shirts I designed, hi8 tapes, and spent disposable cameras, I noticed
that next to me was a elegant Japanese woman with her eyes closed on a plush couch all to herself.
The woman looked more pampered than any of the other girls in the club, and I wondered how much money she had on her. The woman opened her eyes, I was going through tapes' labels, looked over from my backpack again, and found her watching me.
The vibrations from the nightclub hummed
the walls like a bed that accepts 100 yen coins. "How does the night fair you?" I asked. "I drank much too much." She explained. "Oh, you speak English then." I said smiling, sounding rather aristocratic. "Yes, that is correct. I studied English overseas in France." She said, and asked I'd sit with her.
The two of us were "like something out of a movie", and she agreed wholeheartedly.
"It's great to meet someone like you in Tokyo." She stated, taking out what looked like a business card, a pen, wrote something, and handed her card to me. I looked at the double sided business card in both the English and Japanese language. "You work for MTV in Japan?" I asked. "I wrote my private phone number below the numbers listed." She pointed out. "I can't believe you are talking to me." I said, looking at her business card in my hands. "Why? Am I too much for you?" She asked. "No, it's just, I'm trying to get famous. I'm trying to get famous in Japan." I said. "I am available next weekend, and if you choose to see me, we can talk about you getting famous." She explained.
I sat completely still next to her, thinking of all the possibilities.
"You are so young, aren't you?" She asked, coming on to me stronger than I had ever felt in my life.
"Who am I to even be in the same room as you?" I asked.
"That is what I want to figure out." She said, smiling at my needy facial expressions, running the backs of her fingertips across the side of my face.
The door to the VIP room opened, a white kid around my age followed by one of my friends approached us. I stood up from off the couch I had found myself sitting on next to the MTV Japan producer. "Josh, I almost forgot to introduce you," said the friend. "What's news worthy about you?" I asked. My friend laughed. "He has a big ego, doesn't he?" My friend asked the room.
I turned to the television producer, told her I'd be calling her "later from a koshu denwa", waved to everyone, and left the room without my video camera.
"I thought you were on a plane halfway over the Pacific!" A friend shouted as I entered the main hall.
A screwdriver was bought for me at the bar I joined my friends at. I then excused myself and sought out an oversized armchair I had seen in the lounge.
I woke up around 5:00 AM in the armchair, got up, the producer was nowhere to be seen, and I asked if I could help clean the place up. After helping out at the nightclub, I walked through Shibuya back to the train station, got on the morning train as the sun rose, got back to the house I live at in Kamata, and slept until the sun set.
I spent the following two nights on the town, getting more Japanese girls to have sex with me on tape. On Tuesday, I e-mailed the television producer asking if it was that time. She was brief in her response, with things like "everyone I know has warned me about you, that you exploit Japanese girls for sex, and their money."
I laughed over thoughts of people trying to take away what's rightfully mine.
I wrote back saying "You and I have something special, let's not ruin it." And she responded with "yes, something very special", and that she needed to see me on Friday, "even though my friends had told me not to". The two of us sent e-mails back and forth, planning to meet at the statue of Hachiko in Shibuya, and go out to dinner.
On Friday, I arrived at Hachiko wearing a Phat Farm $300.00 velour set with a matching Rocawear velour visor, celebrities and athletes in America couldn't even come close to how I was looking. The funny part was, I had about as much going on in my life as a kid with a deflated soccer ball and HIV AIDS in East Africa.
The television producer showed up soon after in designer everything, on her cellphone, saying things like "yes, he's here."
She hung up the phone, looked me over, and at what I was wearing. "You didn't look like this in the nightclub." She spoke. "Nobody has this in Tokyo, it's what the NBA players wear back home, well that, and retired couples." I said, running a hand across the velour. "Feel it, I am like a black lamb." I said, laughing. She smiled.
I suggested we go to First Kitchen "because I don't like Mos Burger, it tastes like meatloaf." She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "First Kitchen? First Kitchen is a hamburger stand." She said like she was expecting escargot, caviar, and champagne. "No, it's not a hamburger stand, it's a sit down restaurant, and it's in Centergai so we might see some school girls in loose socks." I said, nearing her, causing her to take a step back, looking like she was reevaluating everything. "I don't even know how much caviar costs." I explained, leaving her all the more confused. I wasen't going to spend a single yen on this woman, no matter who she was.
"Would you like to see what TGIfridays is like?" She asked.
"Isn't TGIfridays an ice cream parlor?" I asked, like I was right in wanting to go to First Kitchen. "Josh." She said annoyed. "OK, fine, let's go to TGIfridays. I hope they sell alcohol there!" I said laughing.
We arrived at TGIfridays, and thankfully were given a table close to it's bar to holler out drink orders to. We ordered from our hostess, the drinks were brought to us, a few minutes later, I don`t have a clue in the world how it happened, a girl that the producer worked with at MTV Japan showed up, and asked to join us.
I thought everything was going to turn threesome, until the conversation reared off into everything you'd ever need to know about love, life, and what it must feel like to be alive. What seemed like a rehearsed play, turned out to really loosen up the producer's defenses, and even deny what people had told her about me. "I am so sorry for the way I've behaved tonight, Josh." The MTV Japan producer wept.
"I've never met anyone quite like you." Her co-worker said smiling. "I can't believe anyone wouldn't want you seeing me this early in the game. This is only the 2nd year of me doing this. I have like 100 more to go." I told the producer, after hearing her co-worker chime in.
The producer started to unravel how things came to be, how "after meeting" her on "Saturday night", she "was told not to talk to you", and that "everyone knows who you are."
I had MTV Japan right where I wanted it. The three of us stayed at TGIfridays
until they closed at 3:00 AM, from there we set foot to Shibuya's west exit, and took a taxi to Roppongi to catch the
end of a club. The staff from MTV Japan told me that they were going to Roppongi to meet up with some friends, and invited me to take a turn with them.
We got into a taxi together, and it arrived in Roppongi minutes later.
I got out
of the taxi with the girls once it had arrived in Roppongi and we walked over to a nightclub there called Vertu Shka.
Inside Vertu Shka, the staff directed me to a lush circular table that seated about 10 people, where their friends were at having drinks. The staff introduced me to everyone at the table, the majority of whom television personalities, and actresses. I felt fortunate to have been wearing a Phat Farm $300.00 velour set with a matching Rocawear velour visor because everyone's eyes were on me. I stood up in the booth, thinking "now would be a good time to start making a name for myself!"
I excused myself from the table, said I was "going to the dance floor," and with my drink went to see what it was all about. Once I got to the dance floor it was just the way I like it, clean enough to eat off, and nobody was on it.
I put my drink down on a tall table near the dance floor, and started breakdancing. I put all my remaining energy into it, but nobody was joining in. I was disappointed looking at all the tables in the club, and seeing everyone with their jaws dropped. Then the next thing I knew, everyone came to the dance floor, making it seem tiny compared to when it was just me on it. Everyone in the club was dancing, and having a great time. I picked up my drink, walked to the outskirts of what looked like a mob of angry villagers, and watched in delight.
The MTV Japan producer walked over saying things like "I spent my entire life thinking I'd never get to meet you", and other truths I found difficult to swallow.
At about 5:00 in the morning, everyone decided that they were going to go and party at a house I was invited to. The MTV Japan staff and I hopped
in like one of the three or four cabs, I didn't know anyone in the cab I was in personally, we soon after showed up to what looked like a multi-million dollar house, went in, everyone was smoking, drinking, playing Playstation 2 and getting fucked up. Around 9:00 in the morning the MTV Japan producer's friend and I, both exhausted, decided we were going to leave the party together, we left, then her and I walked to a station that I think took us to Shinagawa station.
I woke up rather painfully, in Kamata in bed with my skateboard like Little Nemo's sceptre.
As the week passed I focused on being filmed for my 2002 DVD and skateboarding in Tokyo. I wanted to take a break from all the partying, all the drinking had me in a sick stupor whenever I wasn't drunk. But in the middle of making my new video I got an e-mail from (in 2008 had their name legally withheld) about how her and her boyfriend, who I wasn't informed she had had, were having trouble. After sending her my carbon copied sympathy she responded with an offer to go out with her that following Friday and added, "you can have your way with me."
With the offer in mind, I found myself in Shinjuku, Tokyo, on Friday night waiting for her. It was supposedly the coldest day and night in Tokyo and I for whatever reason was wearing shorts. I arrived twenty minutes early and when time came for her and I to meet she was nowhere to be seen. Twenty minutes later she showed up to where I was, apologizing, excusing herself with the fact I don't use cellphones in Tokyo and how all I said was that I'd "be near the movie posters in Shinjuku." I continued to lean against cold railing while she explained to me, "anything you want..." Over and over again. After laughter, we went around Shinjuku, had a rather quiet dinner, after that she suggested we take a taxi to Shibuya and that's when I could really feel her coming on to me. While in the taxi I told her how great it is "to spend time with" her, how "perfect" everything about her was, and found myself holding one of her hands in mine. The woman leaned over in the back of the cab, kissing me on the cheek. I ignored her move, we, soon after, arrived at our stop, she paid, we stepped out of the taxi, and into Shibuya.
In the middle of a crowded sidewalk in Shibuya I asked if I could hold her, she said, "yes." After having her in my arms, I brought myself away from her which left us staring at each other and after that we kissed. It seemed like I had won at that point, as if it was some sort of contest and after kissing we decided to walk to TGIfridays for drinks. I held her hand as we walked up the stairs leading to the TGIfridays, when we went inside we were greeted by the same
hostess as last time, and bought several drinks. I sat in the booth next to her, then like last
time I told her stories about ex-girlfriends, some scary experiences I've had with paranormal phenomena, and UFOs.
I opened up to the MTV Japan producer about being abducted by what others believe to be aliens (to me the beings are God).
"No physical body has ever been "abducted", and spirituality is as believable as anal probing."
"I wouldn't even call it an abduction. God is the master system. I was able to work on God's system with the beings (God), the input I provided was of a dire forecast." I explained.
The MTV Japan producer ordered several more drinks for the two of us.
"I was writing backwards, upside down, and words before words back when I was a kid. Dyslexia like nobody had ever seen before.
I remember this one day at school the teacher called for the smartest kid in my class (who I had already recruited off the playground to join me, along with Brett L., Danny C., and Chris R.) and me to go with the principle.
The principle led us to a class room where people in suits instructed Jordan S. and I to sit apart."
"What looked a lot like Federal agents from the movies handed each of us a book of multiple choice questions, and said "this is not a test. Take as much time as you'd like. There are no wrong answers." "
"I had heard rumors around the playground of a program called TAG, and that the teachers were "hunting for brains"."
"I decided to lead the revolt. On the playground I proclaimed "no brain should be unwillingly challenged in Academia, and that no person should be put through believed-to-be-purposeful hardships. We live in a time of libraries and computers. I pray there comes a day when all education is is direct to one's own personal ideals." "
"In laymen's terms, preventing 9 11 was as easy as swapping chicken and beef out for pork on airlines' inflight menus."
"A substitute teacher once kept me at recess, put 6 playing cards upside down, asked me to turn over the cards matching the 2nd with the 1st, 3rd with 4th, and 5th with 6th without making a mistake."
"I told the teacher, "you will get caught if I do this."" I continued. The MTV Japan producer reached down and started giving me a handjob in the booth. "And he goes, "I know, but I had to see if it was true or not.""
I didn't ask the MTV Japan producer to stop the handjob, I positioned myself to make her handjob less obvious.
"I don't think the number of murders Martin Luther King, JR. caused has ever crossed anyone's mind." I said, continuing to share a sloppy kiss with the MTVJ producer.
The manager of TGIfridays as well-groomed as he ever was appeared at our table and handed the MTVJ producer the check. "At the end of the day, all anyone wants is is to go home to their family, and Katagiri-san changing into his favorite cardigan sweater in the torn-apart wreckage of Japan Airlines flight 350 after killing 24 made 9 11 look like a joke." I said laughing. The MTVJ producer, pretending to listen, took out what looked like 25,000 yen and paid for everything.
The television network (because that sounds so much cooler than MTVJ or MTV Japan) producer thanked the manager for his understanding, adjusted her bra, and grabbed me by the arm.
Outside, drunk, the television network producer led me to the Donkihoti`s junk store in Shibuya. At Donkihoti's, I was led to a whole row of lubes, dildos, and kind of just stood there until the television producer moved in front of me, and tried, but was unsuccessful to, to get me to butt fuck her in the store!
At about 3:45 AM we arrived in the redlight district Dogenzaka with the Pacman signs everywhere still.
Most of the lovehotels were filled because it was Friday night, but we found one, and it had one room left! A couple walked in right as the television network producer touched the electronic menu to purchase the lovehotel.
The couple left, the television producer took out 20,000 yen, and paid the front desk for the 12,000 yen room.
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