11/23/05 - What I'm made of
As I stood next to the Hachiko statue continuing the beer binge I had started at the bar in Portland's airport some fifteen hours ago I could sense something was needing to be done in order to change my fate. While Ayumi Hamasaki's new commercial repeated itself in my ears for about the 60th time I reached into one of my pockets and found a plastic dinosaur. I then placed the dinosaur on the ledge at Hachiko's feet and began to take in my surroundings as if I was translating, not the sounds, but rather energies around me. As more and more people began paying attention to me I felt more and more light-headed, the same feeling that I've got each year whenever fate had begun it's organization of my every action and slightest of movements for whatever greater good. I then reached into another one of my pockets, pulled out a right handful of U.S. currency (in the form of coins,) and figured that me finding it all was just part of this year's story about to happen. As I continued to chug beer after beer making my way through the beers that I had bought I began tossing out quarters, dimes onto the ground around me and found myself speaking in a weird sort of tongue that had the words, "mother fucking Japanese bitch," after every incomprehensible to the human-ear sentence. As I continued to drink even more (keep in mind this had been going on non-stop since I left for Japan with exception to six or eight hours of sleep on the airplane,) Ayumi Hamasaki's commercial continued to roar itself down on me, I started roaring back at it in said tongue and moments after it seemed as if the entire world was watching me. My eyes squinted as the cold of early winter found my nude and I looked around to remember where I was aswell as why I was at such a place, again, for the fifth time. A foreigner sitting alone on one of the circular metal benches in front of where I stood began to remind me of an earlier me. He wore an outfit that I wouldn't even wear on a laundry day and I began to feel sorry for him. His shoes looked like left out, weathered and forgotten tennis balls, whoever had bought them obviously couldn't care less and I imagined he, the foreigner, had about as much money as the 2003-version of myself.
"it's ... I know his .. no his website ..." Said someone softly in English while being briefly cut-out by the volume of Shibuya. I began to look around curious as to if whoever was speaking so softly was doing it for the sake of me not hearing and saw, about ten steps in front of me to my left, yet another foreigner with his arms out to his side as if he was trying to explain something to another, more taller foreigner who (skip a beat,) was staring right at me.
I had been rehearsing this moment, this very predicted moment in my life, I'd even go as far as to say I've studied it and as anxiety brought itself against my chest a hundred times more than when I had walked through Narita's arrivals and into Japan about four hours prior to standing where I stood I smiled in wait while then setting down my beer. "Josh .. I can fucking knock him out ... (pause,) come on ..(longer pause,) he is right fucking there!" Said the same voice though obviously not quiet enough. I paid no visual attention to them and outside of eavesdropping I focused more on watching what could possibly come around and ambush me from the side or from the back. It was then the two foreigners approached me and while watching them I ruffled the Coyote fur up on my jacket's hood. "Hey, what's up man?" The taller foreigner asked. "How's it going?" I smiled while looking at both of them with my left eye. "Good, yeah we just saw you had a skateboard, you look familiar..." The taller foreigner continued to say. I then looked at the shorter foreigner and he looked like he was ready to fight, I looked him right in his eyes with an expression of, "yeah, it's me you little bitch, I'll fuck you up." Just then someone grabbed my left arm, the two foreigners looked to their right, it wasn't them, I turned around and pushed the person off who had just grabbed me. "Josh!!!!!!!!!" They yelled, and I started to push them back further while laughing, "Whassssssssup pimp," I called out while realizing it (the person who had grabbed my arm,) was one of the many Ghettocities Clothing fans that I had talked to on the website and never met before. "Are we going to fucking go crazy tonight or what?!" I yelled at him, "fuck some ko-gals in their asses on the street and shit." He responded back. "Joshuuuuuuu!" A familiar voice rang out followed by whoever it was (obviously a girl,) holding me from behind my back. I turned around and there was my bitch from the Tokyo 2004 promo. I then jumped over to the fan, "Yo, that's the bitch I met at 109, I don't know what she is doing here," I told the fan while laughing hysterically. We then both walked the few steps back over to her and I introduced him as the "Snowshuvla" (a nickname relating to his, and similar to my, preference of anal sex with Japanese girls before vaginal sex.) The two foreigners having stood next to us while this had all taken place began acting as if they were part of our group, they then took opportunity and began introducing their names in Japanese to my girl who they, for all she knew, could be friends of mine or acquaintances. "Who the fuck do you two think you are, I don't even know you two, get the fuck out of here." I yelled while pushing them to leave. "I got your back Josh." Said the fan having had followed my lead. "We didn't do anything!" , "yeah, what's your problem?" They started yelling back at me. "You guys are fucking losers, look at you, go fucking do karaoke or something." I yelled louder and the fan laughed. I then looked at my girl from last year and all she could do was smile. The two foreigners stormed off, the fan then smiled and asked, "more fans of yours?" I shrugged.
I had planned on meeting another fan that I had never met at the same time but it was 10:07 and he seemed to not be around so I told my party that we should go to TGI Fridays (in Shibuya,) and start the party there. We made our way up and over a few streets, got to the front door, a tall black guy was walking out with a Japanese girl and after seeing that I asked him, "Yo whassup, want my CD?" He laughed and asked, "You got one? Sure." I then reached in my backpack, pulled out a CD, some stickers and gave it all to him. "How much?? He asked. "Just play it out sometime, don't worry about it." I responded back. We then all went inside, were told that it would be about a 10 minute wait (it seemed really busy for a Wednesday evening,) and so with that we went to sit in the lobby. "Hey can I use your phone real quick?" I asked the fan once we got there (keeping with my 'How to hustle Japanese girls' and not using my girl's phone for any call.) "Yeah sure." He said while handing me his phone. I unzipped the left pocket of my XXL black/gold Lebron James Nike shants (short pants,), took out my contact list, dialed the other fan's cellphone number, he picked up, "Hello?" , "Whassssssup, hey it's Josh, where you at?" I asked. "I'm over at Hachiko, where are you?" He asked. "I'm at TGIfridays with some people, we'll be right over there to pick you up." I said. "Ok." He said, I hung up the phone and gave it back to the fan. We then went back inside, told the hostess that we'd be back in a few minutes, we then went back through the lobby, made our way outside, walked down the stairs and after a few minutes back to the Hachiko area where the other fan was waiting patiently exactly where I had stood before. "Yo Calvin Klein, whassup Calvin Klein?!" I said throwing knuckles, "Oh my god, it's Josh!" , "It's you, seriously." He said and I introduced him to my girl and then to the other fan. After that we made our way back over to TGIfridays, got a booth, I sat next to my girl, the two fans sat across from us and we started ordering drinks. I took the liberty of ordering/paying for the largest beers for my fans as a sort of thanks for their support over the years aswell as a beer for myself and a mixed drink for my girl. The two fans began talking amongst each other about me, the great part about all this was that the two fans had never met each other or even sent e-mails to each other before, they had no previous knowledge/knowing of each other but it didn't matter because they both had the same common interest, in me and what I had done for the world. So where as strangers would have nothing to talk about other than the amount of Japanese girls they've had sex with I sat and listened as they talked about how I've inspired and entertained them over the years. For me to have created inspiration in the life of others is one thing, when I come face to face with real people, who've really been changed by the little things that I've done over the years is something totally different and almost mind-boggling to think about. "You're Josh." , "Look who we are sitting with," , "I know, Josh." , "It's Josh." Name four things said that I still don't know how to respond and/or react to when heard. About an hour or so into our conversations everyone had finished their drinks, we had some how scammed the hostess into giving one of the fans a free shot for his birthday (when it wasn't anyone's birthday,) and then I while drunk beyond belief was asked by the fans if either of them could finish off the beer that I had been nursing, I then shook my head, laughed and chugged it. "Ok! I'm paying for everything," I said while picking up the bill which was on side of a plate of chicken tender crumbs, half finished sides of ranch and honey-mustard and the next thing I knew my girl had taken out money and gave it to me. We all then stood up, walked over to the cashier, I paid for everything without spending a dime and we all left.
Outside was warm, I don't know why, I must've just been so drunk at that point that it felt warmer than it had been during the seven or eight hours I had so far been in Tokyo. After going to one of the nearby convenience stores, getting more beer, one of the fans bought a thing of tequila or rum, walking around harassing just about everyone we could find and while filming just about everything we could film we stumbled onto yet another foreigner (I had never seen so many foreigners in Japan as I had this November,) sitting alone in front of a different convenience store eating some kind of microwaved noodle dish and shivering while looking at a Japanese porn magazine. "Oh here we go... What's up? Hey do you speak English?" I asked while the fans filmed and my girl stood with me. "Yes a little." The foreigner said with a Russian sounding accent. "Where are you from?" I asked. "Canada." He said while putting down his noodles while trying to figure out what was going on. "Toronto?" I asked. "Yeah, how did you know?" He asked while smiling. I shrugged, "Hey can we film you?" I asked after having had filmed him already, "Ahhhh... No I don't think so... sorry." He said. "Why not? You'll be famous." I mentioned, "Sorry." He responded. "Whatever," I said while laughing and we continued to walk. About a minute into walking we found two Japanese guys dressed up as thugs so I figured I'd give interviews another shot, "Whasssup, you guys want to be in a video?" I asked thinking that neither of them could speak English. "sure, just don't film my face." One said in almost perfect English. So we figured to just stop filming, turn the cameras off for a second, they got to know us and the next thing I knew I was freestyle battling this Japanese rapper in English and Japanese while the other one beat-boxed and my group watched. All of the sudden I turned to look on the right side of the guy that I had been battling after seeing someone walking directly towards us on the street and guess who? The Canadian noodle eating porn fiend waltzing back over to us and once he got to where we were he asked if he could hang out. By that time I had stopped rapping and said, "Yo it's Canada back for the camera!" (Which 'Canada,' became his name for the rest of the evening.) Ten minutes after that the two Japanese thugs told us that they had to perform at a nightclub that was nearby, the fans then asked if there were girls, the thugs pointed to a group of girls across the street already waiting for them and they (the thugs) waved and walked over there. The fans, my girl and I all started talking about where we should go, my girl then excused herself to go and get a drink from the convenience store, my fans walked across the street, my girl then came back, the second fan walked back over to where I was and began to explain, "Hey all those people were saying we can get into this club for 1,000yen and there are a ton of girls over there." I looked across the street at the Japanese kids dressed a lot like me and said, "Yeah, whatever you guys want to do, I want to get a hotel and I got a bad feeling about that club, like I know when something is not right." Canada just continued to stand around doing nothing. "Yeah I know, but there are girls right there and tons in the club and they were saying they want you to rap." He continued explaining in obvious hopes that it'd change my mind.
I turned to my girl and told her about how people were wanting me to rap. She nodded. We all crossed the street, Snowshuvla paid for everyone's 1,000yen (except for Canada's), we then went inside the club and I was brought by the rappers from the street into the club's V.I.P. room which, inside, was the club owner, Japanese girl dancers and what looked like other Japanese rappers. Then without que, someone out of the crowd of Japanese people surrounding me started beat-boxing and I was asked to freestyle.
And the crowd went wild. "So in fifteen minutes, you'll rap?" One of the many people asked. "Yeah I'll freestyle, rap, sing or whatever. Just put a good beat on." I said. They then showed me the microphones that I'd be able to use and I walked back to the main area of the club to spend some more time with my girl after checking out the stage. The fans had already scattered to the bar and tables of girls and I met back up with my girl. After about ten minutes of talking to her about how much she missed me, I told her that I needed to go find my video camera and get one of the fans to film because I was going to perform.
While walking over to the Calvin Klein model looking fan who was with Canada trying to talk to some Japanese girls, I heard "(mumbled Japanese) Josh... (mumbled Japanese,) Josh .. " While walking past some of the Japanese rappers in the club. I continued to walk towards the fan and Canada, "(mumbled Japanese) Ghettocities (mumbled Japanese) ... Joshu... (mumbled Japanese ... Skebo .." I continued to hear coming from even more people that were watching me pass them.
"What the fuck is going on here..." I asked myself. I then, after hearing even more of these thugs talk about me, turned around and walked quickly back to my girl. When I got back to her, safely, I told her that her and I needed to leave and she agreed as if she knew what was going on too. So with that, her and I got everyone back together, told them all that half the people in the club knew who I was and they were talking about me. The fans then said that they had even been asked if I was "Josh," and the Snowshuvla began talking about how he wanted to fight some of the people he thought were after me. "Let's just get out of here, like I don't even want to fucking rap and have them cut my girl or anything. This is my first night. I just want to go get a lovehotel." I explained.
So we left, no rapping, once we got outside Snowshuvla realized that he had left his designer glasses in the club, so he went back in by himself and found that a person/some of the people in the club had stomped them into pieces. He brought them back outside and I could tell he was plotting on going back in and fucking up everyone, but I managed to get him to relax and we made our way back into the heart of Shibuya. After walking for about seven minutes we saw some fine girls, so I told the reps and Canada to go pick them up, once the three of them left I turned to my girl, told her that I missed fucking her in her ass and that I wanted to go to a lovehotel and have anal sex with her. She said she wanted to too and so when everyone walked back with no success they asked what I wanted to do next. "Let's get a taxi, go to Roppongi and bar hop the rest of the night Josh," Said one of the fans enthusiastically. "I don't know, I'm tired, I just want to go get a hotel with my girl." I said while snickering afterwards. "So... yeah, we are going to take off and get a hotel somewhere, I've been drinking non-stop and I just want to hit this shit up and pass out." I said while everyone seemed disappointed with what I was saying.
After handshakes, even hugs from my fans I waved while walking towards Dogenzaka with my girl. As we held hands and made our way into Dogenzaka we were both happy to see that (probably because it was a Wednesday night,) almost all of the lovehotels had vacancy, we then went into a convenience store where we picked out a variety of drinks (two of the largest Pocari Sweat jugs for me,) snacks, she then paid for all, we then left, chose a hotel together and to make mattress matters even better we soon, after picking our desired room, found out that the best one had some sort of special going on or lottery? That brought the 15,000yen+ room we wanted down to 8,000 yen, after finding that out my girl happily paid for the entire thing without me needing to hustle her at all. Once we got into the room we set everything down on the polished marble floor and climbed onto the bed. I pulled my backpack over and took my video camera out of it. To see how much film I had left in my hi8 tape, I held down rewind for a second, after the tape meter showed up I hit play to get back to the blank tape and there, I saw, this unbelievable footage one of the fans caught on tape.
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